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[18 Dec 2005|11:36pm] the update dec 10: mexico with a ton of really chill people dec 11: santa clarita dec 12: disney land with alondra dec 13: taco tuesday with jenny, mai, and robert dec 14: worked till 1:30 am. dec 15: worked a ten hour shift then filmed the town council meeting. then passed out. dec 16: king kong with chris, alondra, and esli dec 17: christmas lights with alondra && christian; then party. dec 18: packed with alondra last week i had 58 hours of work and it didnt catch up with me till the last day. this week i have a ton more hours. && today was my only day off and i mostly slept and still im tired. blah. im praying not to get sick. dec 19: shopping with alondra; kandice's brithday party dec 20: tacos ? movie with christian ? dec 21: dec 22: dec 23: dec 24: grandma's house & christian's brithday dec 25: christmas <3 church at 11:00. everyone go mhm dec 26: dec 27: my going away party dec 28: dec 29: dec 30: dec 31: last day of work jan 1: church jan 2: rose parade; move away choose an empty day to hang out wiff meh. i have work but we can work something fun out. read 2 leave.

[04 Dec 2005|08:01pm] hiiiii hey man. i cried in my car last night when i parked in front of my house. it's going to be so hard to leave. i dont think i have it in me. the end. read 2 leave.

[13 Nov 2005|12:47pm] so i'm sitting in my bed being sick... thinking about things. and my heart is sad which doesnt make sense. it hasn't been sad fer months. ii yi yi. what's wrong? read 2 leave.

so basicaly im dying from pain [10 Nov 2005|03:02pm] Sinusitis OVERVIEW You're coughing and sneezing and tired and achy. You think that you might be getting a cold. Later, when the medicines you've been taking to relieve the symptoms of the common cold are not working and you've now got a terrible headache, you finally drag yourself to the doctor. After listening to your history of symptoms, examining your face and forehead, and perhaps doing a sinus X-ray, the doctor says you have sinusitis. Sinusitis simply means your sinuses are infected or inflamed, but this gives little indication of the misery and pain this condition can cause. Health care experts usually divide sinusitis cases into Acute, which last for 3 weeks or less Chronic, which usually last for 3 to 8 weeks but can continue for months or even years Recurrent, which are several acute attacks within a year read 4 leave.

[06 Nov 2005|08:04pm] i haven't written in a while im wearing a dress and my cow boy boots && im planning out my week. i've got a lot of school to get done before i leave. && speaking of leaving.. i need to start throwing away things before i move. i can't believe im leaving. when i was a freshmen in high school i always dreamed for this day to come. to graduate early.. get into byu.. and to go. then later on i figured what i wanted to become and planed out the classes i was going to take. && now im registering for those classes. today i was looking over fox news network bios.. seeing what all of the news anchors that im in love with majored in and what not. dreaming of being on that channel. with my drive to get into graduate school.. i'm going to be able to acomplish my dreams. there is no way im not going to make it. so now i have to stop and just think. is this really what i want ? read 4 leave.

[25 Sep 2005|11:03am] i'm at church right now lol that's about it im excited fer tonight. i get to see gym class heroes wifff my family <3 !! read 2 leave.

[22 Sep 2005|12:32pm] im not sure what's wrong with me im being so quiet i think too much when i'm out with people yet i can't think of my life have i tried so hard to forget things that i just ended up forgetting everything ? leave.

[21 Sep 2005|04:34pm] tiffany&&&alondra i want to hang out with you two, kay ? read 3 leave.

what does it take ? how long must i wait ? [17 Sep 2005|12:43pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | postal service ] im listening to postal service cush marcus left it in my lap top&&im tired. i went driving with my dad to some emergency store so we could get lids fer our water cans. everyone's freaking out cause of huricane katrina &&buying lots of stuff to be prepared for anything that is going to come. when i think about any disaster on it's way, it hurts my heart so much. i can't handle it. but i always get this feeling that it will soon be over. i have nothing to worry about... cush everything is going to work out. so every second of the day is so enjoyable&i don't regreat any day since the countdown started, but the weeks are going way too fast. i can't imagine leaving. thanks fer no one mentioning it and pretending like im not. i realllly like that. i like pretending im here&im staying. i like living like that. maybe i will stay. no i couldn't. it's not too late to apply for chapmen. it's a month till my birthday eep ! i just saw the date. how exciting !! what should i do fer it ? leave.

[16 Sep 2005|01:44am] i just got home&&i had a great day followed by an amazing night. my amazing night started off getting paid $50 for two hours of work then some of the most wonderful boys picked me up from working. after we picked up jenny&then went to mai's house but she wasn't there. then we went to the hookah bar&marcus blew smoke in my face. he showed off his beautiful smile a couple times... made me smile. eep i love mai. im falling asleep on this. so im going to put it down on the ground and sleep <3 yep. leave.

[14 Sep 2005|08:39pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | death cab-I will follow you into the dark ] today i went to my wonderful morning class at 5:40 i'm enjoying it this year&&im happy to go it really does make a difference in my day i taught at cv a little after that the talent are so cute this year i finished teaching them how to write a script &&they are way stogged about their secret mission that i assigned them to complete i need to write a lesson about the communication process to teach them tomorrow i hope i make it after cv i did some of my english homework i showed my mom cause i was finishing it on the way to the eye doctor she told me i had to do it like i was turning it into Roger Ailes (the owner of fox news channel) so i typed the whole thing up on my computer and it looks perfect im happy she told me that cush now im going to do my assignments so perfect &&i need to do that cause i have this crazy dream of being valedictorian. when i got home i got ready for work&&to tutor i went to nikki's grandma's house and i taught her algebra then i went to rocky mountain and worked by myself but it was okay cause i was alone&so was marcus so we were alone together a bunch of fun customers came in i had a problem finding almond bark so i just made up the price lol after work i got food at baja fresh then i went home and tried to stay awake right now im tutoring but the girl is doing work so im just hanging out on my computer i need to finish my english homework and take a communications test but i doubt ill make it im ready to pass out chem. i miss you ! &&ms. katie you better hang out with me soon &&mister marcus i hope you sang verry well at yer recording read 3 leave.

[12 Sep 2005|07:46pm] [ music | bright eyes: first day of my life ] after cvtv today i took a writing day and just stayed in my room surrounded by all the people i love in photographs as i wrote. i typed for hours and came up with lots of conclusions and definitions without scott. (i hate it that he's gone and doesnt write or call but that's what he's choosing to do. i really hope he's okay.) i wrote an amazing essay on the concept of memories. i think scott knew the whole time that i could come up with these thoughts.. he just let me guess around and helped me out. but i did it on my own and it makes sense. and i totally understand it. and i understand so many other concepts. i learned a lot about my life today& i figured out some things i need to work on. but eep. im so pleased with myself. lolz. last year more than anything i wanted to be able to live in the moment again. and after the long process of everything healing it got stable. &now instead of being just stable it's builidng up. my life is so amazing right now. i couldn't write it as well as it is going. every moment.. every second is there. is mine to captivate. i read through my journal entries in my old live journal. most of the old ones are invisible. i don't know why i had gone back and done that or when.. but they are. i should change them back cause they have some of the greatest moments recorded in them&it's just amazing to see how things affected ideas and lead to opportunities. &&tonight was nice. i went out with alisa to eat at in&out. and we talked about boys cush we are girls. lolz. &&now im going to keep writing & texting marcus. read 1 leave.

[12 Sep 2005|02:43am] marcus picked me up from work and made me feel like a fool so i hit him with chocolate covered strawberries turning and seeing him was the cutest thing ever && tonight was a lot of fun travis mai marcus & me hookah. in&out. mai's house. read 2 leave.

[11 Sep 2005|11:50am] i decided my live journal isn't that lame travis m. is coming over right now we are going to eat food and talk about the worst night of his life && i want to post something really stupid right now that is the opposite of how i actually feel cause i want to pretend that i dont really care but honestly i do and i still wont admitt it to myself cause i dont want to work for something and then watch it all mess up like it always does lolz so im just going to pretend that im not wishing it is going to work out and just let it goes where it goes and enjoy the moment, k? lovely leave.

[10 Sep 2005|09:13pm] screw travis m. fer messing with my head and making me worry about things. i shouldn't care. im happy with what i have. read 3 leave.

[07 Sep 2005|08:43pm] love who are you hiding in ? hahahahaha i couldn't care less im freaking annoyed with everyone worrying about dumb things just let things happen and make good decisions everything will work out fer yer good so chill out read 1 leave.

just look me in the eye&tell me the world's not going to end [06 Sep 2005|03:02pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | get up kids ] i do this thing. where i don't want to post something cause i don't want to ruin whoever is reading this feelings. that just takes away from what is actually happening in my life. and my lovely melody who moved oh so far away just misses out. so not to be inconsiderate but im over it. if you don't want to hear it. dont read. maybe im just typying this cause im so tired. nothing smart is going to come out this. then again when do i write anything intelligent on live journal ? i can't believe how tired i am. i was up all night sunday editing. then last night i was up teaching jenny geometry till forever in the morning. then i woke up early and went to cvtv. came home and taught jenny some more.. then guitar lessons. and soon ill be picked up to go tutor nikkin fer algebra. then it's straight to taco tuesday. it's only like 7 more hours till i can go to sleep so i think i can make it. any ways. ive haven't daited any one fer a couple weeks now&i think ive been enjoying it. i just get so annoyed sometimes cause i end up not liking a person as much as they like me and what not. but that doesnt go without saying that im better at liking guys that dont care fer me at all. so i guess it's even. ive moved on from the last thing&i dont want to go back. i don't know what it is. i just don't want to have to deal with any of it any more. it's nothing against the person. i dont know what it is. man. i just keep going on and on. maybe ill get to something worth reading. im sure everyone stopped already though. jenny is in the other room on my computer waiting for me to post something. too bad there's nothing good. except well. i have a crush on a boy. &&i don't know why i put myself through this. i barely know him yet i want to be with him or something. it seems ridiculous all written out. but it's it's.. not? it seems ridiculous how i get so happy when he texts me. &&how i get so intrested when someone says his name. maybe i should just get over this. no. that doesnt seem right. it will just go how it goes. oh and no i didnt meet him on myspace. so that has to be a plus. lolz. &&no katie he's not a little kid LOLZ moved on from that one. hahahahaha. <3 yeah i think im going to be lame and play the guessing game. cush i don't want to admit this... cause it sucks when it doesnt work out. so why put myself through it right ? why why why ?? if he makes me so honestly happy, he can't break my heart.. right ? && im not in the mood fer breaking any hearts. for as long as im here. in this city.. where taco tuesday is like a holiday. lol. so no tears ? i could do without any for sometime. i still want a boy that makes me happy with no effort at all. that cares. and listens. please please please. find him. kay. screw all this thinking and what not. im just going to have fun and go with whatever. im just happy to be alive in la crescenta for however long i have left with all the people that i adore. the end// jeez. shut up. it's just a crush. read 2 leave.

[05 Sep 2005|06:22pm] RAWR im better now i played guitar till my figures hurt so bad i couldn't move them any more then i went and got my favorite food and now im thinking about my favorite person my eyes feel good after crying so i can't complain leave.

[03 Sep 2005|02:40pm] september 1: DAY ONE -taught jenny geometry -did my laundry -drove to wallmart for my mom -looked over my homework -met with ms. brown at cv -went to options&possibly got a tutoring job -ate with jenny at deli sis -played guitar for an hour -went to alondra's house and watched virgin suicides -went to work and got trained -went out with corey and matt -crashed when i got home september 2: DAY TWO -worked on my essay -read my english book -played guitar -got ready for the show -hung out with kim -ate at carl's junior -went to mai's house -drove to chain reaction with jenny, mai, and travis -saw a cute boy&got rejected -met a david that looks exactly like davidR. cept he totally hit on me -hung out with stan -fell asleep on the way him -went to a hooka bar -went to pick up a boy with mai -got shot gun on the way back to my house -almost got raiped by an armenian guy with jenny -got stuck in the elevator -made a new friend named marc who likes the get up kids too. and is really nice. well it's day three. and ive been wasting it. study group today at my house at 4. me&jenny&kim join if you need to work too <3 no need to call leave.

[26 Aug 2005|02:42pm] [ mood | good ] [ music | 3EB ] im sitting in the back of the rental van as we drive through georgia too bad rhet is on the other side of this state he was here a couple months ago though my final stop today is savannah, georgia a hunated town so that will be neat.. go on some cool tour hopefully meet some people my age to party with tonight cause i need to get away from my family so i woke up in the back of the van and saw frosted flakes at my feet in a cereal box as i put my shoes on to get out at the gass station. and i decided that i wanted to eat them. so i went into the gass station and bought a thing of bowles a small thing of milk and some spoons i sat back down in the car and poured some cereal then i noticed how ridiculous i actually am it was grrrrreat though haha well im finally myself again im not anyone else but me it's taking me a long time to get back to this point i dont hurt from anything any more i finally realized that i will find my peace again with someone else you know that feeling you get with someone you love.. well after he practically died and i knew he could never come back it hurt me every single day with october coming up again it started to hurt and without being with someone i had nothing else to focus on and being on vacation didnt help either but now it's established. today is the perfect day. haha id like to thank God, Third Eye Blind, and one of my best friends so im confident in this year coming up i lost it for a second but now i know i can do it i can work, go to school, and do cvtv. and it will all work out perfectly. ill also have time for my lovely band and friends and a ninja in huntington beach <3 haha read 5 leave.

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